Popular Chinese Fortunes Are Fun In Bed.


Chinese takeout isn’t my favorite, but you can’t complain when your husband offers to pick up dinner and you tell him to surprise you. It was Oscar night and even though I haven’t watched a movie in a theatre since “Pretty Woman” I listened to the Red Carpet chatter while choking down squares of pink colored meat.

“I’m not as hungry as I thought,” I said, cracking my fortune cookie while hoping my husband, Mark, believed me.

“ . . . in bed.”

I immediately started laughing. “Did you say in bed?”

“I said I’m exhausted and can’t wait to crawl in bed. Why was that funny?”

“I just finished reading my fortune when I heard you say in bed. Listen to this and add . . . in bed. A thrilling time is in your immediate future.”

“In bed.”

“I bet it works on all the Chinese fortunes. Read yours.”

“You have a friendly heart and are well admired,” Mark said, “in bed.”

“You made my night by surprising me with Chinese,” I said.

“You’re welcome. You deserved a break. You’re always burning the candle on both ends.

“It works on clichés, too. My brain will be adding “in bed” to everything.”

Mark smiled and put down his fork. “Let’s head upstairs. You’re like a kid in a candy store . . .”


I was right. Adding “in bed” significantly improves these popular Chinese fortunes.

“Do not fear what you don’t know . . . in bed.”

“The object of your desire comes closer . . . in bed.”

“You will have a pleasant surprise . . . in bed.”

“All progress occurs because people dare to be different . . . in bed.”

“May life throw you a pleasant curve . . . in bed.”

“Don’t ask, don’t say. Everything lies in silence . . . in bed.”

“Look for new outlets for your own creative abilities . . . in bed.”

“Be prepared to accept a wondrous opportunity in the days ahead. . . in bed.”

“Fame, riches and romance are yours for the asking . . . in bed.”

“Good luck is the result of good planning . . . in bed.”

“Good things are being said about you . . . in bed.”

“Your attention to detail is both a blessing and a curse . . . in bed.”

“You will have a very pleasant experience . . . in bed.”

“Smiling often can make you look and feel younger . . . in bed.”

“The time is right to make new friends . . . in bed.”

“Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals . . . in bed.”

“If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted . . . in bed.”

“A friend asks only for your time, not your money . . . in bed.”

“Your greatest fortune is in the large number of friends you have . . . in bed.”

“He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at . . . in bed.”

“Failure is a chance to do better next time . . . in bed.”

“In order to take, one must first give . . . in bed.”

“Love lights up the world . . . in bed.”

“Practice makes perfect . . . in bed.”

“The harder you work, the luckier you get . . . in bed.”

“Those who care will make the effort . . . in bed.”

“You are generous to an extreme and always think of the other fellow . . . in bed.”

“You have a yearning for perfection . . . in bed.”

“Your ability is appreciated . . . in bed.”


About Mitzi McColley Sorensen

Mitzi McColley Sorensen grew up surrounded by the Black Hills in Hot Springs, South Dakota. Her father was a second generation funeral director. Death was as much a part of her everyday life as breathing. She attributes her quirky sense of humor, viewing life as a gift, and placing family first to her upbringing. After attending Northern State College in South Dakota, she headed west with her husband to live with her beloved grandmother who was suffering with Alzheimer’s. They stayed in California where they raised three daughters and a son. For the past twenty-eight years, Petaluma, California has been her home where rolling vineyards replaced the majestic views of Mt. Rushmore. Working her way up the ranks in a pharmacy, Mitzi learned that the customer was always right, the benefits of most drugs outweighed the possible side effects, and that her male clients mellowed with age. Mitzi befriended an individual that experienced synesthesia in her everyday life. Although the main character in THE TASTE OF ORANGE is fictional, her symptoms mirror that of her friend’s. Retired after twenty plus years, Mitzi enjoys writing novels, traveling, reading, welding, and golfing with her husband, Mark, even though she yells fore more often than scoring a par four. She keeps in shape by catching lizards and snakes with her nine grandsons and three granddaughters.

6 responses »

  1. There are actually some places online that offer the adult fortune cookies that are themed for the “in bed” type message! some are really funny.

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